Get Beyond the Embarassment

Did I really just do that?!!!

This weekend I was a luncheon hostess for a women's organization I am in.  I could not understand why my fellow hostess wanted me to bring soup bowls and spoons.  When we were setting up the food, she said that I had mentioned bringing soup.  She even doubled checked and I said yes.  I thought she said fruit and had confirmed a fruit tray.  I was so embarrassed that I had messed up.  

Then yesterday, I was at the grocery store when I had an emergency need for the restroom.  When I got there I found a male employee cleaning it.  At first I tried to do a bit of shopping but hang near the restroom.  I  was close to having an accident.  I finally just had to tell the guy I had an emergency and asked if I could use the restroom.  He was okay with it.  I was just so embarrassed to have to ask and that I almost made a mess.  

My usual response - almost paralyzing.

An embarrassing situation usually sends me into a depression, guilt and anxiety spiral.  I will obsess over the what happened and what I could I have done different.  Worse, wondering what others think of me.

It would be especially bad at night when I am trying to go to sleep.  The anxiety would get so bad that I would have to get up and walk around.  It could take hours to finally get to sleep.  My self esteem would be in the toilette for days.  

Going back out into a social situation would bring on anxiety or nearly paralyzing fear.  I have to admit that there were events I made an excuse not to go because of the fear.

Unfortunately, this is a common response to those with depression and anxiety. 

A Different Tactic 

I have been trying to be more mindful of the viscous cycle.  IS IT EASY?!  NO!!

It is hard to overcome old responses.  It is hard to overcome the pull of depression and anxiety.

However, my 3 word challenge earlier this year really started to show me my worth and that it is possible to begin to change your thought pattern.  The process is simple, but the execution is hard.

  (if you want to know more about it watch this video 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_j1hQuJLNk&list=PL4PEpYgDiIG3AWYb5Onsd5UGxlT0TcInH&index=3)

First:  Accept that the incident happened and was perfectly human.  

• no one is perfect
• misunderstandings happen 
• the unexpected is a normal part of life
• anyone could have done or said what you did

Second:  How would you react if the other person did/said the same thing? Do them for yourself.

• I bet you would be understanding
• Offer comfort to them
• Offer a solution
• Tell them you could have done the same thing
• Be forgiving

Third:  Move on

• First forgive yourself.  
• Offer an apology, if appropriate, to those involved.
• Try to find some humor in the situation without demeaning yourself.  Make fun of the issue not yourself.
• Do not dwell on it.  (probably the hardest).  
• If you find yourself continuing to think about it, return to the second step.
• Run through the scenario but you are the other person.  How would you react?

Just like the positive word challenge, it is not going to come naturally to you at first.  Keep trying.  I did this for both of the incidents.  Am I still embarrassed, well, yes.  Am I driving myself nuts continuing to run through it over and over again.  No.

Give this a go.  You are loved, needed and worth while.  You deserve kindness from yourself.

 

Teenagers!!!

I think my teenage sons are trying to put me in the looney bin!

Ya know...When I was a teenager, I'm sure I was no picnic either, but sheeesh!  I was at least motivated to always do my best, and meet my obligations without reminders.  My sons (lets call them Eeny, Meeny, Miney & and Moe) are just not that way.

Eeny is a senior and heading to college next fall.  Yay!!!  However, he seems to have forgotten that the school year is not over yet and that the grades still matter.  He has Checked Out!  Third quarter is nearly done and he has 3 D's sitting out there (update he fixed them but on the last day of quarter).

He has no legit excuses.  He quit his job months ago.  Has no girl friend and really not much extracurriculars to occupy him.  So what the hey hey?!  Where's the work ethic?

He will be attending a local college, but wants to live on campus if he can swing the cost (with 4 kids no way can send them all---student loans baby).  Yet he cannot get up without constant prodding by parents or Meeny, his roomy.  He is already spending more time "hang'n with the bros" than studying or getting a job.

Yeah, I see him being the ace student on campus.  NOT!!  Guess I will have to perpetually keep my fingers crossed.  

Now Meeny has a whole other issue going on.  This kid is uber smart BUT uber lazy.  You can guess where this is going.  He has grandiose plans on being a psychiatrist but has the work ethic of a beach bum.  

Much of school has come easy to him and did not require a lot of effort.  He is a sophomore, granted a tough year, and is falling on his face.  I knew it was coming after Eeny, but I had hoped that Meeny would have learned from his bro's mistakes.  OF COURSE NOT.

He is satisfied as long as it is a passing grade.  What!!!   I would sweat over a C let alone be okey dokey with a D.  We would like him to have a choice of colleges and the potential for scholarship/grant cash too, but if he cannot bother himself to do well........  Makes me want to just scream!!   

Question....How do you make someone give a crap!?

Then there is Miney.  I think his brains fell out a year ago.  This is a kid who was in the "gifted" program in elementary, but now is struggling in what was his strongest subject.  His grades are a roller coaster ride.  He asks some of the dumbest questions.  Things we have already talked about, or one would assume a teen would already know.  Like the county he lives in.  

We gave him a planner and a stack of posted notes to put in his chrome book to use to keep himself organized.  Then we signed him up for homework club.  When I pick him up he tells me about a book he is reading for fun.  Great he is reading but WHAT ABOUT THE SCHOOL WORK?

Little Moe is the shining star in terms of grades at the moment.  While not "gifted" he has blossomed in the last couple of years.  BUT.... He is absolutely driving me out of my mind.  He has horrible temper tantrums like a flipping two year old.

Honestly, since when does a tween lay on the floor screaming, crying and kicking their feet.  It doesn't get  him what he wants, in fact, it usually gets him a punishment.  If he gets in trouble, he hits Miney.  If  he doesn't do his chores he blames Miney.  Then when Miney has enough and pokes at him, you guessed, he runs to mom.  

You can probably also guess that Miney and Moe fight.  Yep, they do.  A LOT.  So much so that I

want to run screaming.  I have looked at my husband and told him I want to run away.  

Finally, none of them will do their chores until I ask or scream, whichever comes first.  I made a chore chart.  Each have assigned tasks and the chart shows when I expect them to be completed. Each task has a check list so they know what is expected.  So, no excuses.  But still NO action.

You would think that they would be sick of hearing me yell and scream.  You would think that they would be sick of having electronics taken.  But Noooooo.

                                                     I think I need to lay down for a moment.


 I love all of them. I would not change my life.  However, I wonder how they will be successful when they leave here.  Life is hard and requires hard work.  We have told them that repeatedly.  I guess only time will tell.

Illustrations courtesy of  Clipartsgram.com
Photos courtesy of Pexel.com

Lent Starts Today

I cannot believe that it is Ash Wednesday. 

Seems like Christmas was only a couple of weeks ago.  Time to prepare the ol'soul for Easter and the Lord's great sacrifice.

Each year we hear the ideas of what to "sacrifice" for Jesus during the 40 days of Lent.  You know the drill of common sacrifices:  No sweets, no cursing, no cell phone, no chips, no alcohol, reduced TV viewing.  How many never make it to Good Friday?

I can honestly say I have forgotten too.  I can even guarantee that I will forget the fasting rules on accident at least once during this time.  Embarrassing.

 I spend the next few hours beating myself up about my lack of memory or will power.  I end up with the guilts sending me to sleep even after praying for forgiveness.

A few years ago, I was pondering the question of what I would be giving up to honor this sacred season.  I was tired of "giving up" things I would forget about.   I started wondering how my giving up chocolate could come close to what Jesus gave. I wanted something more from the experience.

What is it that God wants from us above all else?......Ourselves!

If the Lenten Observation is about self sacrifice,I thought, then I could take the time I would normally be doing something else and use it to become closer to God.  This perked me up a bit.  Instead of debating the same old same old.  I now could explore things I can do for Him.

I am not a regular listener to Christian radio, but have been known to turn it on occasionally.  One channel has a sermon on around 10:30 am.  I decided that instead of my usually pop tunes, I would listen every morning to the sermon and then hang around for some of the Christian music.

I found myself looking forward to my mornings.  I was learning more about the Word and how it could relate to my life.  The music was uplifting.  The best part was knowing I was with the Lord an hour or two each morning.

Last year I added another item to my Lenten "to do's'.  As you know, I am a mixed media artist.  I picked up a Lent observation booklet from the back of church.  Each day I read the bible verse and the following message.  Then I drew a picture of what touched me about the passage.

What is the point of this blog post? 

The point is to challenge yourself to find things that you can do that truly give of yourself.  You can certainly still give up your chocolate or cursing or whatever.  But, find something you CAN do; pray, read the bible, do a Lent daily mini journal, listen to radio sermons or Christian music.

You are still making a "sacrifice", and probably one He will appreciate and one you can grow from.   Give your time to the Lord; really be with Him.

Let me know in the comments what you decided TO DO.

Turning 50!!!!!

Holy guacamole, I just turned the big 5.0.!!

Where in the world did the time go?  I don't feel that old on the inside.  I'm still 25!!

Ya, know I have been dreading this day for awhile, but it was not as bad as I anticipated.  Actually, I think turning 40 was worse.  I thought I would be wallowing in depression.  Thinking back on my life and wondering how big of a loser I am.   Surprisingly, that did not happen.

Instead, I found myself looking on all the things I had accomplished over the last 10 years.  Here are a few.

•  I have worked for a gourmet chef and learned some new techniques. 
•  I have a job I love where I make a difference every day.
•  I learned how to knit sweaters and socks.
•  I am now an artist (small and learning, but one none the less).
•  I am a tour guide at a small local museum.
•  I have discovered that I have an ancestor who fought in the Revolutionary and Civil Wars.
•  The kids have visited Disney twice and Universal once. 
•  I started a Youtube channel using art and faith to battle depression/anxiety.

Looking back made me see that my life, so far, has seen some of my dreams come true.  I have done things I never even thought of doing.  Not too shabby.

The thing that I did dwell on was actually the future.  Not to be morbid, but the death of many loved ones lies in the future.  Just as I am old(er) my folks are too.  I just lost an aunt and uncle, and know that my last set along with my parents are likely to pass away during this next decade.  Pain and sadness seem to be on the horizon.

I needed to break the cycle of morbidity which is when I came up with the above list.  While it made me feel like I have been leading a good life, it made me wonder what good things do I have to look forward to since I know death of loved ones is inevitable. 

What dreams do I still have on my bucket list?  

•  Writing a book.
•  Illustrating a book.
•  Visiting Europe
•  Visiting Hawaii 
•  Grand children
•  Walking a 5K
•  Walking a 10K
•  Selling a painting
•  Sewing a dress
•  Sewing a patchwork quilt
•  Traveling with my hubby in a camper to different national parks.
•  Learn to play an instrument.

These were just what I came up with that night.  It reminded that adventures, dreams and new experiences are not just for the young.  There is still a lot to do, see and experience.  

While there will be pain and loss in the future, there will also be joy, happiness and excitement.  The Lord will help me through the pain, and be with me to celebrate during the joy.  

Week 2 of the 3 Word Challenge

So, how are you doing on the 3 word challenge?  Here is a video update showing my feelings on last week's words and a share of the words I chose for this week.

Let me know what your words are for this week in the comments.

How I Curb an Oncoming Panic Attack

Many of us have had those moments when we start to feel like everything is happening at once.  We feel torn between numerous responsibilities and demands on our time.

When it happens to me, my mind jumps from one topic or commitment to another.  It is almost like a pinball in the machine bouncing from bumper to bumper. I must keep the ball moving.
The fear of failing anything lies between the two paddles at the bottom of the machine.

Then I get the tightness in my chest.  I find myself holding my breath making myself light-headed.  The fear and panic start to build that I am going to forget something or not get something done on time.  If I don't stop the cycle soon, the thoughts will become all consuming and then I am a lump on the couch.

Is this you too?  Well, I having been doing a couple of things that seem to help me.

The first one is deep breathing.

Take a deep breath through your nose, using your diaphragm (your tummy should expand not your chest).  Hold for three seconds and then blow out your mouth.  Do this a 2-3 times.  You should feel yourself relax a bit.

 Practice this 2-3 times a day.  Why?  You will be more apt to use the technique in a real attack.

The second thing is Environmental Active Listening. 

 I came up with this on my own.  It may not be a new thing, but I starting doing this and it works for me.  You close your eyes and concentrate on the sounds around you.  As you hear each sound, identify it.  Oh, that's the furnace.  The ice just fell in the freezer.  Birds are chirping outside.  Children are laughing and playing in the backyard.


This gives your mind something else to do and breaks the panic thought cycle.  If I can break the cycle either I avoid a full blown attack, or I am able to start getting my attack under control.

Let me know how you cope with panicky thoughts in the comments.  I would love to share your ideas.

Thank You Lord Art Journal Page

Want to see how I made this art journal page thanking God for bringing my mom through a risky surgery?  Then head to my YouTube channel Frondly Yours KA.