Get Beyond the Embarassment

Did I really just do that?!!!

This weekend I was a luncheon hostess for a women's organization I am in.  I could not understand why my fellow hostess wanted me to bring soup bowls and spoons.  When we were setting up the food, she said that I had mentioned bringing soup.  She even doubled checked and I said yes.  I thought she said fruit and had confirmed a fruit tray.  I was so embarrassed that I had messed up.  

Then yesterday, I was at the grocery store when I had an emergency need for the restroom.  When I got there I found a male employee cleaning it.  At first I tried to do a bit of shopping but hang near the restroom.  I  was close to having an accident.  I finally just had to tell the guy I had an emergency and asked if I could use the restroom.  He was okay with it.  I was just so embarrassed to have to ask and that I almost made a mess.  

My usual response - almost paralyzing.

An embarrassing situation usually sends me into a depression, guilt and anxiety spiral.  I will obsess over the what happened and what I could I have done different.  Worse, wondering what others think of me.

It would be especially bad at night when I am trying to go to sleep.  The anxiety would get so bad that I would have to get up and walk around.  It could take hours to finally get to sleep.  My self esteem would be in the toilette for days.  

Going back out into a social situation would bring on anxiety or nearly paralyzing fear.  I have to admit that there were events I made an excuse not to go because of the fear.

Unfortunately, this is a common response to those with depression and anxiety. 

A Different Tactic 

I have been trying to be more mindful of the viscous cycle.  IS IT EASY?!  NO!!

It is hard to overcome old responses.  It is hard to overcome the pull of depression and anxiety.

However, my 3 word challenge earlier this year really started to show me my worth and that it is possible to begin to change your thought pattern.  The process is simple, but the execution is hard.

  (if you want to know more about it watch this video 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_j1hQuJLNk&list=PL4PEpYgDiIG3AWYb5Onsd5UGxlT0TcInH&index=3)

First:  Accept that the incident happened and was perfectly human.  

• no one is perfect
• misunderstandings happen 
• the unexpected is a normal part of life
• anyone could have done or said what you did

Second:  How would you react if the other person did/said the same thing? Do them for yourself.

• I bet you would be understanding
• Offer comfort to them
• Offer a solution
• Tell them you could have done the same thing
• Be forgiving

Third:  Move on

• First forgive yourself.  
• Offer an apology, if appropriate, to those involved.
• Try to find some humor in the situation without demeaning yourself.  Make fun of the issue not yourself.
• Do not dwell on it.  (probably the hardest).  
• If you find yourself continuing to think about it, return to the second step.
• Run through the scenario but you are the other person.  How would you react?

Just like the positive word challenge, it is not going to come naturally to you at first.  Keep trying.  I did this for both of the incidents.  Am I still embarrassed, well, yes.  Am I driving myself nuts continuing to run through it over and over again.  No.

Give this a go.  You are loved, needed and worth while.  You deserve kindness from yourself.